I remember when Moo was treated to her first (but by no means last) parental feminist rant. She must have been about 3, and she was playing in the bath, happily splashing away in one of her make-believe games, when she merrily piped "Boys do the fixing, Moo makes the dinner!". Cue instant FEMINIST RAGE. I asked her where she got that from, knowing full well that it wasn't home, given that home is more "boys and girls do the dinner, nobody does the fixing for several months until we admit we're never going to fix it and buy a new one". She told me that the boys at nursery had said it. I told her that girls could fix things, and boys could make dinner, and she should never let anyone tell her that she has to do something just because she's a girl. I was actually quite calm and restrained, considering all the aforementioned RAGE.
I know, I know. No normal person gets ragey about things like this, only humourless feminists who are determined to take life far too seriously. And of course, boys like certain things, and girls like others, and it's just ridiculous to to fight it, it's in the nature.
Except, of course, that I don't think that's true. Or, more accurately, I don't know how anyone can know that that's true. Perhaps it's true that girls are naturally more predisopsed to playing with dolls and cooking and things that are pink, and boys are naturally more into cars and superheroes and things that are blue. But how are we supposed to know that? Let's be honest, it's not like we give kids the chance to gravitate towards these things of their own accord. The second they're born, babies are wrapped in the appropriate coloured blanket. Before their eyes have even learnt to focus, we're putting certain pictures on their babygros, certain toys in the cots they're not even big enough for. They don't stand a chance.
As it is, my girls love pink things. They love dolls, tea sets, princess dresses, glitter, all of that. And I have nothing against any of that, and they have no shortage of people wanting to buy them that or encouraging them to play those kinds of games. But I do also buy them Spiderman onesies, and fighter pilot costumes, and toy cars. I do give them juice in blue cups, and encourage them to play football on the beach - not because I hate all things girly, but because I want them to know that it's OK for them to like things that aren't. God knows they're taking in enough messages telling them they can't - oft-repeated phrases in this house are "Just because it's blue doesn't mean it's for a boy" and "There are no such things as girls' toys and boys' toys" (along with "Will you please get down off there?" and "Lego Movie? Again? Really?").
However, as so often happens, sometimes these things come back and bite you on the arse. Moo has been a bit grumpy about school lately. More so than usual, I mean. She's pretty grumpy about most things. Almost everyday, she tells me she had no-one to play with. Usually said in a mournful tone, and with big eyes. She knows how to milk it, this one. I take this with a healthy pinch of salt, as she said this all last year too, and yet everyone who's ever come across her in school says she gets on with everyone, and the other children are always waving and shouting to her at hometime. But it seems lately she's been having some falling-outs with her friends, particularly the boys. I think she enjoys being friends with the boys - she's always had close boy-friends, as a lot of the friends I made when I was pregnant with her had boys, so she's been around them all her life. But, as we all know, it ain't easy being a girl in a man's world. I don't know exactly what's happening, but through a combination of garbled conversations and guesswork I think that what might be happening is this: Moo is friends with the boys, and they don't mind playing with her. But only up to a point. And that point is when they want to go off with the other boys and play boys' things, which she can't do because she's a girl. And, being her mother's daughter, she then tells them that she can do anything they can do and they shouldn't tell her that she can't just because she's a girl. And then the boys, because they are five and not particularly interested in discussing gender roles and sterotypes, run away.
It's a problem. Feminism doesn't tell you how to deal with running away. Especially if you're not very fast at running, and a bit clumsy. I don't really know how to help her deal with it. I tell her that not everyone has to want to play with you all the time, and that she should ask other people nicely if she can play with them. I do feel guilty. Perhaps life would be easier for her if she only wanted to play girl things and be friends with girls, and maybe it's my fault she's not like that. (Or maybe it wouldn't be easier, and she'd be falling out with the girls just as often. I don't think she's the most sociable child in the world). But she is who she is. She knows her own mind and isn't afraid to speak it, and will not allow anyone else to define how she should be. And in a world that doesn't always seem to want that from its women and girls, all I can do is tell her how proud I am of her, and hope she stays that way.
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