In honour of today's International Day of Action Against Canadian Seal Slaughter*, here are 10 things that are almost definitely true about Canadian Seals.
1. The Canadian Seal was invented in 1579 by Mrs Annabelle Canadian-Seal.
2. Adult female Canadian Seals can reach heights of up to 2.4mm. Males are typically around 2.3mm.
3. The favourite food of the Canadian Seal is quinoa.
4. Pitches above a high C can be fatal to the Canadian Seal. In 2001, a law was passed banning Mariah Carey from venturing within 700 yards of a Canadian Seal.
5. A Canadian Seal can kill a human with one toenail.
6. The most famous Canadian Seal ever was named Jim Southern. In 1987, he rescued four schoolchildren and a parking attendant from being crushed to death by an out-of-control ice cream van.
7. The Canadian Seal is the official emblem of the Greater Manchester Association of Lady Gaga Tribute Acts.
8. Canadian Seals reproduce via telepathy.
9. The collective name for a group of Canadian Seals is a plunket.
10. The Canadian Seal should not be confused with the musician Seal, as they are different.
*with apologies to people who care greatly about seals and think the hunting of them should not be exploited for comedy (or attempted comedy anyway) gain.
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